I CAN MOONWALK!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The Olympian is in my bed
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
