I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
