i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize