Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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