I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
