just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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