Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
