Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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