Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
