oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
