i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
