a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
