Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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