you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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