I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
