so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
