after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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