I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
