My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
