giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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