Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
