So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
