Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize