new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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