would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
