I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
