What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
