Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
