just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
