Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize