you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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