drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
