We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
