Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
