Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
