I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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