My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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