He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
