glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
