i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
