I smell stomach acid.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
