I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
