I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
