Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
