Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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