They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
