some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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