Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
