I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
