sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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