four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
