I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
