everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
