Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
