I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize