I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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