He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
