I'll bet she douches with gravy.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
