I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
