I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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