I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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