help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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