I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
