Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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